The Ministry of Petty Offesnses Performance Outline

Okay, PLEASE remember this is an act currently under construction, and what follows is a brief explanation of the proposed act and an outline of how the performance might run. This is rough, in a state of flux, and subject to change, revision etc. etc. It is my hope that those of you who have taken the time to check this page out will be the ones who provide me with some input on making it better, more feasible etc etc. There are links below that will put you in contact with us and also take you to our message boards, where I invite you to share any input you may have. So, without further preamble…

Is an interactive, improvisational "street" or "strolling" act, created for presentation at Renaissance or Elizabethan fesitvals, faires and associated events.

At various times, the Ministry will "arrest" patrons or playtrons in attendance at the event for what are considered "petty offenses." Examples of such offenses can be found at www.ministryofpetty.com/listoffenses. The idea is to keep it silly, absurd and above all, FUN!

Once detained, the offender is subjected to a kangaroo style court with the Minsitry players assuming the roles of judge, prosecutor, defender, witnesses etc. A jury might be assembled out of the bystanding patrons. Once the proceedings have played out and a verdict (always guilty we hope) is returned, a sentence is passed on the offender. Judgements are simple and silly… tell a joke, sing a song or do a little jig. Satisfactory completion of the sentence is at the whim of the 'jury,' and may in itself lead to additional charges (i.e. "telling bad jokes in a public forum") The show is intended to last around 20 minutes tops.

As it is meant to be a "strolling" performance, it can be done in various locations of the faire grounds, the scheduling is flexible, and the opportunity for as many as 6 or 8 "shows" per day is a distinct possibility. The act can be combined with or play off of other acts at the festival… the Guard of the Realm, a group of wenches, the Royal Court, village idiots, etc etc. We would welcome anyone who felt like participating.

The Lord High Magistrate (Judge)

The Proseculator(ia) (District Attourney)

The Advocatorium(ia) (Public Defender)

The Baliff(ette) (Wo)man at arms.

Additional players could be assistant attourneys, "aye" witnesses, character witnesses, "expert" witnesses etc etc.

1. The ministry sets up shop in a selected area of the grounds. The players disperse througout the area and look for an offender.
2. A victim is selected and detained. The Lord High Minister (LHM) is called to the scene. Meanwhile, the arresting officer designates a 'penalty box' on the ground around the offender.
3. At this time the "OUT" is offered. The 'out' is a way for unwilling participants to avoid being made part of a show they do not want to participate in. The 'out' might come in the form of a 'plea bargan.' The victim can enter a plae of 'non-contestum,' and instead of being subject to the kangaroo court portion of the show, would instead be given a 'slapondawrist' trinket or momento and sent along their merry way. THE OUT MUST BE OFFERED BEFORE GATHERING A CROWD OR MAKING AN OVERLY BIG PRODUCTION OF THE ARREST!!
4. If the offender is brave and couragous, electing to face the court of public opinon, the arresting officer (who by now should have help from the rest of the ministry) gatheres an audience by officially "Arresting" the offender and reading him/her her rights. (You have the right to stand on both feet. You have the right to blink your eyes. You have the right to inferior representation by an underpaid law-school dropout. Anything may be held against you) At this time, 'witnesses' can be found among the patrons or planted ministry players.
5. By now the LHM should be in place and ready to begin the "Trial By Public." This would begin with the recitation of "The Proclomation of Authority" wich would be something along the lines of:

"In these times of festival and celebration it has been determined by the crown that there are far too many visitors to our fair village doing far too many silly things than can adequately be controlled by the existing Guardians of the Realm. Therefore, by Royal Decree we hereby authorize the Minsitry Of Petty Offenses and charge them with detecting and punishing those visitors who would ignore the minute taboos by which peace and harmony are maintained." (Did I mention this is just rough stuff… it's all subject to improvement)

6. The LHM calls for the Arresting officer to bring forth the offender and state the nautre of the offense. (Met with ominous "ooooooohhhs" and the like, of course.) The LHM asks the offender to state name and place of origin for the record. (Oh Lord…another Iowegan. The courts are full of them today… etc. etc.)
7. LHM asks the offender if he/she has representation. Accused may actually choose a relative or friend to act as a defender, but in most cases the court will 'appoint' a defender. (Advicatium) This could either be a ministry player who is standing ready, or could be a minsitry player 'seeded' in the crowd who will step forward to offer his/her 'limited' legal skills and knowledge. A simular process will be used to find / appoint a Proseculoter (D.A.)
8. LHM adresses the audience, informing them they are about to witness the case of the Realm VS. John Doe upon the charge of whatever it is, and that they, the gathered public, are now charged with the task of hearing both sides of the argument and rendering a verdict of guilty or not guilty based on the evidence presended and how badly they want to see a man's fingers cut off.
9. LHM asks the offender to plead to the charge with "Very Guilty, Guilty, Only A Little Guilty or I'd Rather Not Say."
10. LHM asks proseculator for an opening argument. Proseculator briefly outlines the offense and tries to make is sound as heineous and awful as possible and tells the jury they must find the offender guilty.
11. LHM asks advicatorium to do the same. Of course, the Advicatorium takes the part of the offender, and perhaps plays the "temporary insantity" angle or "don't we all occasionally stare at a woman's chest" defense… these arguments by both the prosecutor and the advocate will change depending on the nature of the offense.
12. LHM calls upon the prosecutor to bring forth witnesses. By and large, most of the witnesses will be planted members of the ministry mingling with the audience. In some cases, witnesses may actually be patrons who were in the area and are willing to play along. In the worst case scenario, the LHM, Baliff, prosecutor or defender will switch roles, character and voice as the situation dictates (which in some cases might be just as much fun.) Witness testimony should always be slanted towards the guilt of the offender. Each witness is questioned by the Prosecutor, cross examined (perhaps) by the advocate etc. etc. Then the process is repeated with witnesses for the defense.
13. LHM asks Prosecutor to make final argument, repeats with advocate.
14. LHM calls on the audience to make a judgement. All those who feel the offender is guilty of said offense signify by raising your right hand and saying "off with 'is 'ead! Those who feel the offender is not-guilty, raise your right hand and signify by saying "off with 'is 'ead anyway!"
15. LHM informs offender a verdict of guilty has been returned and offeres the offender a choice of restitutions. (song, joke, jig)
16. Offender (hopefully) performs restitution. The LHM asks the audience if that pennance was sufficient… if not, the offender may be brought up on further charges (i.e. telling bad jokes in a public forum) and the process is repeated in a highly truncated fasion until the offender either pleases the audience or we've run out of restitutions (there are only three y'know) After all is said and done, offender is given his/her "slapondawrist" trinket, thanked heartily for his/her courage under fire, and sent along his/her merry way.

Those are the basics, and as I've mentioned time and time again, I'm completely open to suggestions, ideas, thoughts, ramblings, debates, conversations and or outright disagreement. The whole idea is to make it silly, fun and nonsensical, entertain the audience a little and perhaps make a couple bucks in tips if we're really, really lucky. If you would like to comment on the format, please use the following link to the MOPO forum The Ministry Message Boards Note that I have changed the boards! If you posted on the first board, please update your bookmark! Or feel free to email me at highminister@ministryofpetty.com with any comments

Thank you, ever so much, for taking the time to look this material over and give your comments. Obviously, this thing must be an ensemble piece, and it's oh so very important for everyone to be comfortable with the format. Once we've got a good idea of the outline of the act, we can start filling in the other, equally important details, but this is our starting place. Don't be shy!